Divorce Rich with Jacki Roessler, CDFA
Welcome to the Divorce Rich Podcast! Join your host, highly sought-after speaker and experienced Certified Divorce Financial Analyst, Jacki Roessler, CDFA in this engaging and down to earth show. Along with her guests, Jacki offers clear and detailed advice to improve your financial decisions before, during and after divorce so you can survive divorce rich! New episodes are posted every other Thursday! You can reach Jacki through her Michigan-based firm, Roessler Divorce Consulting, located at 600 S. Adams, Suite 300, Birmingham, MI 48009 or by email at jacqueline@roesslerdivorce.com.
Divorce Rich with Jacki Roessler, CDFA
Divorce Detox: Self-Care Strategies from the "Hardcore Therapist" Sarah Kuretzky-Rossington
"I can't sleep!" "I'm too stressed to think about exercise!" "I have no appetite." Sound familiar? If you're dealing with divorce and find yourself saying any of the above, you're not alone! You need to give your body a divorce detox!
Unlock the secrets to maintaining your mental and physical well-being during one of life's most challenging transitions: divorce. In this episode, Jacki is joined by the "Hardcore Therapist", Sarah Kuretzky-Rossington. Sarah is a mental health professional with a fascinating blend of expertise in functional medicine, holistic health coaching, personal training and education. Together, we focus on the often-overlooked aspects of self-care that make a world of difference during and after divorce, focusing on the critical triad of sleep, nutrition and exercise.
Don’t miss this chance to glean from Sarah’s wealth of knowledge—it's time to prioritize yourself and your health during and after divorce.
RESOURCES
- Follow Sarah on Threads by clicking the link below: https://www.threads.net/@thehardcoretherapist?xmt=AQGz3uEmp5vfzQhQC5MwC15Aa_qVY8u9H-MBoqOZBeXYoJE
- Follow Sarah and message her on Instagram by clicking the link below https://www.instagram.com/thehardcoretherapist/
- Learn more about how Jacki helps clients and book an initial consult with her at Roessler Divorce Consulting at http://www.roesslerdivorce.com
- Email Jacki with Questions at jacqueline@roesslerdivorce.com
Visit us at https://www.roesslerdivorce.com/ to learn more about Jacki's practice and to find valuable resources for your case.
Welcome to the Divorce Rich Podcast. I'm your host, jackie Ressler. I've been a certified divorce financial analyst for 28 years, helping clients and their attorneys navigate the often complex and confusing financial issues in divorce. If you're in the process of, or considering, divorce, now is the time for you to take a deep breath and give yourself permission to find clarity on the financial issues you're facing. Rich means many things to many people. I believe the best definition of being rich is someone who has access to many resources. Along with my guests on this podcast, I will be bringing you a wide variety of information so that you can make sound and informed financial decisions for your financial future.
Speaker 1:Hey everyone, welcome back to the Divorce Rich Podcast. Today we have a really exciting topic. So my guest is Sarah Koretsky-Rossington, who I've known personally for a really long time and even from using her as a professional in my life, who is a mental health professional. She's certified in functional medicine, mental health, she's a holistic health coach and she was a certified school counselor. So her background is amazing and there's a wide depth to it, and I was telling her before we started recording that it's so fantastic that she's taken all these different pieces of her past professional life and put them together to really help people.
Speaker 1:So welcome, sarah. Thanks, jackie, it's so good to be with you. Yeah, it is. So what we're going to talk we're talking about today is how and there are so many things that I want to talk to you about, but for today's episode I'm going to have to have you back again I want to talk about how three factors that people who are getting divorced or have been recently divorced overlook in terms of taking care of themselves during the process. So the three things that that I think people overlook, that we're going to talk about today, are what you eat during that process, how much sleep you get and also exercise, and how each of those things, if you focus on them during the divorce, they can help you get through it easier.
Speaker 1:Yeah for sure. All right, sarah. So your name? You are the hardcore therapist, which I love. That name, thank you. Can you tell me, or listeners, what is it that you want to convey with that name?
Speaker 2:Yeah, so it's interesting. So when I was like growing up, I was really into like hardcore pump was kind of my thing and I was always kind of a punk was kind of my thing and I was always kind of a caretaker of the group and and I think when you someone actually kept on referring to me and they're like Sarah Koretsky the hardcore therapist and that's kind of how it stuck. But like for me it was kind of this idea of hardcore is like I'm going to work really hard for you and I'm going to focus on you completely hardcore. So like it's really interesting when people are like yeah, I partied hardcore, I did this hardcore. Like my, my container that I want to hold for people. Is that hardcore? Like I just want to make sure that they're so well taken care of and that's I mean it does some from my, my music side, but it also comes from. I did research and like looked up what it meant hardcore so that I could be like yes, this is exactly who.
Speaker 1:I am. I love it. I can attest to that personally because you used to be my personal trainer and nutrition coach and you are hardcore. You are hardcore, serious about helping people change their lives. So I think I love that. I love that what you call yourself. So I know that you've had a lot of other roles and I don't want to spend too much time, but I do want to share a little bit about what you've done in the past and how that impacts the mental health work that you do now For sure.
Speaker 2:So I started off as an art teacher. So I actually have three graduate degrees One is an art, one is an art education, and then I have a master's in mental health and school counseling. So I thought those are the kids that I want to help, because I felt like I didn't necessarily have that or friends that I had and have that person at school. So that was kind of where it came from. But in that time I also was a personal trainer. I like I always want to, I want to know everything. So, yeah, and I became a holistic health coach Because it was so important to me to understand, you know, our nutrition when it comes to like seeing kids that were sad and depressed and then using it with personal training clients.
Speaker 2:I also. I also did like experiential education, which is a huge part of what I'm still doing now. So experiential education is really kind of a holistic approach to education and teaching kids how to be, like, more self-reliant, and so that is something that I really focus on now. So I kind of bring all the pieces of everything that I did to what I do now and I think it's really important for people to understand that they're way more powerful and they have way more than they think they do. A lot of people just don't give themselves enough credit for how much they can actually do with themselves and how far they can take themselves and how resilient they are, and so that's kind of how I try to do that really short, but that's kind of how it all comes together. And I do art therapy, sometimes with my clients as well.
Speaker 1:Okay, that's amazing and I'm going to share your contact information in the show notes for this episode, and I can't recommend you enough. But what I want to pick your brain about today is I want to talk about what your thoughts are for people in terms of focusing on their health and how the different whether it's what you eat or how you eat, or when you eat and sleep and exercise how each of those things affects your brain and how it affects your body to help you heal. What do you think of those three actually is the most important? Is there one that's not the most important? Sleep?
Speaker 2:Sleep. That's not the most important Sleep.
Speaker 1:I was hoping you weren't going to say that, Sarah.
Speaker 2:It is Sleep is the most important thing. It's really difficult.
Speaker 2:I think it's interesting because I do work with a large number of people who are either getting divorced, wanting to try to save their marriage, or um, or have already gotten divorced and the number one thing I work with with those clients with that is sleep quality and getting good sleep and turning their brain, helping them learn how to turn their brains off. So we can't regenerate our all the good cells if we're not getting proper sleep. So when I tell people this, I really like I believe in an Ayurveda which is like a ancient science in India, and one of the things that they talk about in Ayurveda is having this like very direct, like kind of sleep hygiene. So the ideal time to sleep is actually from 10pm until 6am. It is actually when all of your organs do all the detoxification and it like it takes a lot of stress out your body. So if you're having high cortisol, if you're having butt issues, any of those things, if you actually get proper sleep, it will help that tremendously. So I say sleep is most important.
Speaker 1:So why 10 o'clock to six and not 11 to seven?
Speaker 2:So I mean, if you think about like your circadian rhythm and you think about the most of the time of the year, it is dark by 10 o'clock and light starts to come out and that's a clock hour. So it's kind of keeping yourself in the rhythm of what's going on in the universe, right? So, um, you know, like, personally, I don't sleep that much. I wish I could sleep that much. I usually end up falling asleep about 10, 30 and I'm always up by 5. But it does, I mean. So I want to be honest, like I don't get it would be awesome.
Speaker 2:Some people don't need as much sleep. I am actually one of those people that don't. If I sleep more than seven hours, I start to actually feel worse, like, yeah, really groggy and sluggish throughout my day and I will yawn a lot, which I don't like to do with clients Because I'm not bored, I'm just like you know. So, yeah, so, knowing that about yourself and understanding your sleep patterns, the problem is oftentimes, when people are going through really difficult things like a divorce, their sleep is interrupted and that is actually probably one of the worst things for your body.
Speaker 2:Yes, like as we age, we're going to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night. It's just how it is. It's just one of the things that happen, being perimenopausal hot flashes, those are all things. I have tons of things. I recommend the clients to try A cooling blanket, things like that or that, but sometimes that's interrupted because your nervous system is like on that fight or flight, and so we want to try to keep our bodies in this window of tolerance so that we're not hypo or hyper aroused or hyper hypo aroused. And if you keep on waking up in the middle of the night or you go to bed too late, your body is going to be in hyper arousal more, which is going to cause more problems with sleep.
Speaker 1:Okay, and then not having enough sleep how does that impact?
Speaker 2:Well, decision-making is one of the things that's going to impact. I also think you all make, you know, make core food choices when you're tired, like it's the the fact, like I know, when I'm tired, I want to eat junk, like I want to eat ice cream and cookies and things, and that is not going to serve your body, not to say you shouldn't have it ever, cause, like I am a firm believer of, you know, well-rounded food. I I'm actually also certified in intuitive eating, so I really believe like, yeah, I believe intuitive eating is like a really important piece. Um, and especially when you're going through something like this, you need to listen to your body more, and I think people oftentimes turn off their feeling in their body, so they don't even know what to listen to. So then it's difficult to use intuitive eating, but that's what happens. And then I don't know about you, but I know if I'm too tired, it's going to be more difficult for me to get up to work out.
Speaker 1:Right, right. So then all of these things impact each other, correct? Yeah, I think that I would love to be able to share some of if you are willing to share some of your resources for people and how they can, what they can do to help their sleep. I think that a lot of people know, like I know, that I'm supposed to get a certain amount of sleep, but I don't really think about it. And people that are going through divorce, they already have decision fatigue because they have one decision after another after another. So anything that's going to make that worse they would want to avoid. So sleep is a prayer, yeah.
Speaker 2:Let's talk about food. How okay, how is, yeah, you'd play and tell of this. Well, so I just think that I'm, I'm, I. I think that people need to eat what works for them, right, so, like I've been a vegetarian for the majority of my life, so I don't tell people like they need to be vegetarian to like live a healthy life, cause I actually don't believe that. I do believe people need a lot of protein. I do believe people need fats I like. So, however, anyone's going to eat.
Speaker 2:I always, when I work with clients on food and they're interested in learning more about food, I always tell them to have a protein, fat and carbohydrate at every single meal to stay satiated. So you're going to get the most satiation when you are doing that. Like anyone who does, and I don't want to like dog diets right, there's all diets. Whatever works for people, amazing. Whatever works for you, great. And I understand like some people have to have a lower carbohydrate diet. That's fine, but fruit has carbohydrates. So, like I you know, like I would when I was health, when I was health coaching full, full time and training, I would say, like you know, two string cheeses and an apple is is an example of a protein, fat and carbohydrate. You're getting fat and protein from the cheese and you're getting your carbohydrate from the apple, and so making sure that you're having these like well-rounded meals, even if they're small.
Speaker 2:Because I know, you know, working with some of my clients that I've worked with who are going through divorce, they're like I have no appetite. I know I need to eat. I have no appetite. Having, even if it's a small snack like that, making sure you're having all those elements. It's actually going to nourish your body the most. You just want to make sure you're doing what's going to nourish your body the most.
Speaker 2:So I tell, like my clients who are like I don't even want it, I don't even want to think about them Right and like girl dinner, right. So like everyone's eating like popcorn and wine, right, and like girl dinner, right. So like everyone's eating like popcorn and wine, you're not gonna sleep well if you have popcorn and wine, right, it's gonna affect you and they're not gonna like once in a while it's okay, right, yes, once in a while it's okay, but it does affect your sleep. So you know, I suggest like okay, cool, you don't know what to eat. Like I talk like I don't know if you've ever seen those like balanced break things where it has like some cheese and nuts and a little bit of fruit in there, those kinds of things Like you don't want to think about it.
Speaker 2:Eat a little bit of that and then have some popcorn, like, like. Like, make sure you're eating those things, because fat is so important and people neglect that a lot in their diets. When they are um, when they're going through divorce, and then they're feeling like at least clients I work with they're talking about, like I always feel a little nauseous, I always feel a little queasy. Well, that's because you're getting no fat in your diet.
Speaker 1:So so what does that do in your diet?
Speaker 2:Um well, it helps keep you satiated and it also helps with digestion. It's going to help you with digestion if you're eating healthy quality fats Like avocados Avocados, not olive oil and good quality Like. It's very interesting If you go to like I'm going to use Trader Joe's. I'm not trying to put y'all on blast or anything, but if you go to Trader Joe's and you look at the different olive oils and you see the one that looks like very light and then you see one that's really dark, the dark one is going to be the better quality olive oil. So making sure that you're getting you know, and Trader Joe's is really affordable, so that olive oil happens to be affordable. So adding those kinds of things to your diet because that's going to help your gut, because you can't get your gut moving without fat.
Speaker 1:Okay, that's funny, sarah. I remember that, when I was working out with you as with a group, that you took our class to Trader Joe's and showed us what things to get, and that I think about that when I'm at Trader Joe's and sometimes I can still hear your voice, because I think that was so helpful. Another example of you diving deep with people yeah, we were talking about this also how a lot of my clients, when I start seeing them most often I'm working with clients for a full year so at the beginning they look radically different than when they do at the end, and some of them have lost 15 pounds and some of them have gained weight. Does it as far as? Does it affect anything besides sleep if you don't get the right nutrition?
Speaker 2:if you don't get the right nutrition. Well, yeah, I mean, I mean it also is going to affect, like, what it does to your body. So if you're, you know, especially like and I don't want to assume that a lot of people who are getting divorced are in the middle age, but group, but I mean, as someone who got divorced at 40, right, like, um, I think that when you are not taking care of yourself and you're so anxious and you're not eating proper foods, it's going to affect your hormones for women, respectfully and what happens often is you get what's called apron belly I hate using that term. It sounds so terrible, but it does happen a lot with people who are not eating the right foods. So you're going to get different manifestations of your body or you're just going to be malnourished, and I think that that, like I think that's what two sides of the coin are.
Speaker 2:When we're going through a divorce, we're not taking care of ourselves. It's like you're not getting enough nutrients. You look malnourished. When you start eating again because you're starting to feel better. All of a sudden, you're gonna be like what the heck? I'm gaining all this weight and you don't understand what's going on, and a lot of it is because your body doesn't know what to do. Your body thinks that it's like when it's starving, it's like I'm going to hold on to this because I think you've been starving me for so long that now I have to hold on to this and put it in different places on your body because I don't know what else is going to happen. I don't know what I'm going to eat. Like this again, right.
Speaker 1:And what a terrible time to be gaining weight for a lot of people, for a lot of women. You know when your divorce is done you're starting to feel better and then that affects your self-confidence.
Speaker 2:It's 100%, 100%. So you know. I mean I think everyone's amazing and beautiful, so I don't want to say like if you have lost weight and then you gain weight, it's not good. I mean, your body is your body. There is usually a set point where your body should be anyway, right, and so you know. And with women it's actually a 21 or 20 pound range, flux usually, which is huge, right, which is huge, but that is still considered normal when it comes to being in this kind of like weight range that you want to be in, you know, and you know, because we want to have like this I don't even like the term body positivity, I think more we women we get so many messages about what we're supposed to look like, and I think that it is when we don't look like that, when we look in the mirror and we see something that we're not used to seeing.
Speaker 1:It makes us feel less confident, and I agree with that. It shouldn't matter whether you're 10 pounds overweight or whatever underweight, it shouldn't matter, because what is important is who you are. But I think and again, I'm a big proponent of not doing those things for other people, but if you want to do it for yourself, that makes sense.
Speaker 2:Totally and I appreciate and agree with you because, yes, especially in our age range and I think if you are, you know, like a millennial and you know Jen Offs, like we have really specific messages about how we should look and it. Those, those things die hard in us, right. And so I think that that is. I think you bring up an important point, because it's hard to be more neutral with your body, because that is not the messages that we care, probably still here, right? I love that term, though.
Speaker 1:I'm going to start using that, Sarah. I love that. Okay, so let's talk about the third area. So the third area is exercise.
Speaker 2:Yeah. So one of the things that I tell people all the time do exercises that you like to do. Oftentimes people use exercise as a form of punishment, and exercise should be enjoyable, right, because I want to lose weight, so I'm going to exercise and do this. That's not why you should exercise, right? But I think a lot of people use exercise in that way or they do things that overstress their bodies. So, for instance, when we were working out together, we did a lot of high impact like HIIT workouts. So high impact, you know, training workouts, interval training right, interval training yeah, that was very appropriate for the age that we were at that time.
Speaker 2:If you have a divorce client right, who's, or I work with a divorce client and they are later forties, fifties, that is not the optimal kind of workout to do for your body. It is not good for your hormones. Yeah, it's really bad for your hormones. I mean, if you've been doing it for years and years, it probably won't make that much difference. But if you're like, okay, I'm getting divorced, I want to look my best, I am going to go to Orange Theory Again not to dog Orange Theory, because there's super cool stuff about Orange Theory. I actually was all about it 15 years ago, but it is not what we need now. What we need now are things that we love.
Speaker 2:So I had this client who was like oh, I'm training for a marathon because I want to lose 10 pounds. And I'm like, how's that going? I haven't lost any weight. Like, do you like to run? No, I hate it. Like, what do you like to do? Did I tell you this? I feel like I told you this no, no, okay, no, I hate it. Like, what do you like to do? And she was like I like to dance. So like I was like why don't you try a dance class? Why don't you try Zumba? Why don't you try these kind of things instead? Like like you're obviously not losing weight by doing this. In three months, she had lost she wanted to lose like 15 pounds. She lost all the weight and was so much happier because she was doing what she loved. So I think that's a really important point when we yeah, if we're using it in a way like I hate yoga, like I actually certified yoga, I do too I hate it, you're certified in it and you hate it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I just. I did it for like social emotional learning in schools, like that's what I wanted to do it for. And I do believe there's really important pieces of yoga and if we take it back to its root it's really great. But like going to a yoga studio, I don't like that right. I just don't like the whole thing and so like that is an exercise that would not serve my body well. But if that serves someone else's body well because they really enjoy it and they get a lot out of it, that's what's important they really enjoy it and they get a lot out of it.
Speaker 2:That's what's important. That makes sense, yeah.
Speaker 1:So for me, lifting super heavy weight and walking, that is all I do now. It's funny. I was out with a friend last night and she's recently divorced and she was telling me that she lifts super heavy weights and that she's always done that and she loves that and that's what keeps her going.
Speaker 2:Well, especially like again, I hate to be like in our age group, but in our age group, like you want to want to work on your bone density, lift heavier weights, okay yeah, that is going to be a really helpful thing. And and it's cool, like it's, it's super cool, like to be able to deadlift 275 pounds or whatever it looks like. I don't really like to run, so I won't run, but I, you know, I do like doing quick interval workouts, but because it's not good for my age right now and like my hormones, I will only do that once a week, okay, so figuring, those kinds of things.
Speaker 1:Wow, what a wealth of information you had, sarah. I could take you all day long. Is there anything else that we didn't talk about that you really think is important on this topic?
Speaker 2:I do.
Speaker 2:I do think you actually brought up something so.
Speaker 2:So I think that there was something that you said that I think is really important, and when you talked about doing this for yourself rather than for someone else, when you were talking about any kind of like weight loss, any kind of like this, I think when you take a holistic approach to mental health, where you're thinking about your, you know, your mind, your body, your soul, all the things you are going to take that time to focus on yourself and I think people have a really hard time with that because they've spent so much time focusing on their spouse, their children, that this is like a very important time to know that it's not selfish to take care of yourself.
Speaker 2:It's actually a really good lesson to teach if you have children, your children and to teach people around you that you're important enough and worthy enough to take care of yourself in all of these ways. So if it's through therapy, if it's through exercise, if it's through eating very specific foods that make you feel healthy and whole, if it's not going out certain nights you can get better sleep, all of those pieces are important and it's not being selfish.
Speaker 1:So I just wanted to put that out there, I agree with you and I think what a great time to have a new, fresh start. When your divorce is done, absolutely, you start thinking about your life that way. So, again, I'm going to keep your, I'm going to post your contact info in the show notes, um, and people can reach what's the best way to reach you.
Speaker 2:So I actually really love when people reach out to me on Instagram because I have I keep my Instagram on my phone. It's the hardcore therapist, um Sarah Kowalski Rossington, but I'm easy to find. People can find me all the time. And then my email is the hardcore therapist at gmailcom. Or my website is the hardcore therapist. It's pretty, it's pretty easy and you just click the connect with me or contact me and you just fill out your information and I will email you back within within 24 hours. But I actually don't put my work and this is, I think, actually really important to tell people too, especially with sleep hygiene I do not put my work emails not on my phone. So I only am looking at my work email when I go to my computer, and so I think, if anything else I could tell anyone is to take that little digital diet like that way. It's really a helpful thing. It is so hard, but for me I have found did to be very helpful to only have it on my computer.
Speaker 1:I love that, and do you so. We've got listeners all over the country. Can you see people that are in another state?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I can. I do it through my coaching business. So because I've been a coach for 12 years, I'm still a certified coach. So I do therapeutic coaching in that way and if people are in the Detroit area, once they contact me, I can talk them through and how we do insurance and everything like that as well. Okay, you can't take insurance from other states at this time.
Speaker 1:Right, but some people might be able to submit it to their employer and get reimbursed for that. Yeah, some amazing employers have mental health and other kinds of health coverage that you can reach.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, so SuperVal, that's what we call, it Right.
Speaker 1:Sarah, thank you so much. I hope that I can have you on again, no problem, because, like I said, thank you so much, I hope that I can have you on again because, like I said, I have so many more things to talk about. So thank you for sharing all your knowledge, no problem.
Speaker 2:Thank you.
Speaker 1:Thank you so much for taking time out of your day to listen to Divorce Rich Podcast. If you like this podcast, please follow us on Apple or anywhere that you download podcasts and share this link with any friends or family that you think might benefit from this information.
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