Divorce Rich with Jacki Roessler, CDFA

The Marital Home in Divorce: Experts Weigh In: Sell, Split, Buy-Out?

Jacqueline Roessler, CDFA Season 1 Episode 33

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The marital home represents far more than bricks and mortar during divorce—it embodies memories, stability, and often the largest financial asset couples must address. This insightful roundtable discussion brings together key experts who should be involved in these critical decisions: family law attorney Max Emmer, mortgage specialist Leeanne McKeon (a Certified Divorce Lending Professional), real estate expert Jodi Douglas, and host Jacki Roessler (a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst).

Most eye-opening are the experts' warnings about poorly crafted divorce decree language,  unrealistic refinancing deadlines, improper quitclaim deed timing, and failure to verify accurate home values which can create catastrophic financial consequences that last years beyond the divorce itself. Through real case examples and practical guidance, they demonstrate why assembling the right professional team early prevents costly mistakes.

To Register to Attend a Live Workshop on this topic with Jacki, Max, Leeann and Jodi on May 14, 2025 at the Bloomfield Township Library, email Jacki @jacqueline@roesslerdivorce.com.


Have you listened to our previous episodes? Subscribe now to ensure you never miss the financial guidance and expert insights that can transform your divorce experience.

Visit us at https://www.roesslerdivorce.com/ to learn more about Jacki's practice and to find valuable resources for your case.

Speaker 1:

Welcome to the Divorce Rich Podcast. I'm your host, jackie Ressler. I've been a certified divorce financial analyst for 28 years, helping clients and their attorneys navigate the often complex and confusing financial issues in divorce. If you're in the process of, or considering, divorce, now is the time for you to take a deep breath and give yourself permission to find clarity on the financial issues you're facing. Rich means many things. To many people. I believe the best definition of being rich is someone who has access to many resources. Along with my guests on this podcast, I will be bringing you a wide variety of information so that you can make sound and informed financial decisions for your financial future.

Speaker 1:

Everyone, and welcome back to the divorce rich podcast. This is jackie rustler, and I am so excited because we have our very first roundtable conversation on the podcast today with some amazingly talented and experienced professionals. So this is we're going to. It's it's. We have a great topic. We're going to be talking about the marital home. My my guests today are Max Emmer, who is a family law attorney in Michigan, who is he's a friend of the podcast, has been on several times before and is a wealth of information. Max does collaborative cases. He does litigated cases. He's a fantastic attorney.

Speaker 2:

Thank you, Jackie.

Speaker 1:

And I also have Leanne McKeon, who is here today.

Speaker 1:

She is a mortgage specialist and she has over 30 years of experience in lending. She also has recently received the CDLP designation, which is a Certified Divorce Lending Professional, so she has a lot of specialized expertise about getting a mortgage when you're going through or have been through a divorce, which is extremely valuable. So we're lucky to have Leanne here with us today. Welcome Thanks, jackie. Thanks for having me. And last but not least, is my friend and colleague, jodi Douglas. Jodi is a. She is a realtor with Howard Hanna and she is extremely specialized in divorce. She was trained in civil mediation, domestic relations mediation and collaborative law. She also is a wealth of information on everything related to divorce and selling your property, which again is around the virtual table here. We have so much experience.

Speaker 1:

So I'm really excited for this conversation and this is a topic that comes up, obviously, in almost every case that I have and to have all of these people in the room, which, by the way, I think should always happen when you're getting divorced and there is a house involved. But we're really lucky to see what this is going to look like in action today. So we're going to be talking about a pretend case study and we're going to demonstrate for you the kinds of conversations that go on when there's a marital home and everyone has a full team of experts helping them make these critical decisions. So I'm just going to lay out the case study facts. It's going to be a simple one. In our case study we've got a marital home, a long-term marriage, the wife has been a stay-at-home parent, full-time parent, has been out of the workforce. There's going to be some child support and spousal support we're not sure how much yet and the wife is thinking that she would really like to keep the house.

Speaker 1:

Now the title of the house is in joint name, the mortgage is in joint name. They have a beautiful mortgage with a rate of 2.5% that they got when rates were really really low and the mortgage is about $250,000. And they think the house might be worth anywhere between, let's say, $350,000 and $500,000. So there's kind of a wide range of what the value may be on the house. So I'm going to throw it to Max first, if you can frame the conversation for us. So Max is our family law attorney. What's the initial conversation that you have with your client, the wife, about the house?

Speaker 2:

So, jackie, that's a great question. Thanks for having us. I agree with you.

Speaker 2:

I think the marital home is sometimes either assumed to know what is going to happen with it or is just kind of ignored or undervalued when in reality, both financially and logistically, it's really important.

Speaker 2:

So the first thing I would look at is when you tell me that, based on the approximate values, we're talking about anywhere from 100 to 250 in equity, which means each party's going to be getting anywhere, you know, between 50 and 150,000 over equity. So the first question I like to have with a client is do you have strong feelings about who's going to keep the house? If you keep the house, and if so, have you and your spouse talked about that? Because if they've said, hey, we already agree, I'm going to keep the house, well, I think it's very important to still with professionals like you and Jody and Leanne to dig into is that financially feasible, is it responsible and is it practical? I think at least we know that from the outset. Um, but I like to know what the approximate value is, what potential equity we're talking about, and then if there have been any either preliminary agreements or strong feelings about who is going to keep the house, or if either parent is going to keep the house.

Speaker 1:

All right, excellent. So let's talk about so. From my perspective, if I'm working with that client that Max is working with, my first question is can you afford to keep the house? So the wife says I want to keep the house, I have to keep it, everything needs to be stable for the kids. So I'm going to hand them my budget worksheet, which I'm going to have attached, by the way, to the show notes here, and also everyone's contact information is going to be in the show notes so that everyone can be easily accessed by anyone listening in.

Speaker 1:

So I'm going to start with that, because a lot of my clients, when they want to keep the house, they don't have a sense of what it costs to maintain it. So it's not just the mortgage payment, it's the mortgage payment and the taxes and the insurance and the landscaping and the utilities and all of those things that are carrying costs for the house. So that's where you know I'm going to start is trying to determine you know what are the carrying costs. But I'm going to throw this to Leanne.

Speaker 1:

My big question here is when I'm putting together a client's budget, I need to involve someone like Leanne who's a mortgage specialist, because I don't know, are we assuming the same mortgage payment? Is that even possible? Are we assuming that client's going to be able to refinance, and is the refinance going to include cash out to the husband for his share, or is there going to be some other arrangement? But I want to get a sense of what we're up against. So, leanne, can you share with us what you would? What would be the things that you would bring out in this situation?

Speaker 3:

So I thank you. So I'm going to kind of follow Max's comments he mentioned is it feasible, is it responsible and is it really something that's in the client's best interest? And there's a huge difference between being able to afford a mortgage and being able to qualify for a mortgage. So affordability is definitely cash flow based, but being able to qualify either for a new mortgage or assuming an existing mortgage can be two different worlds. So going back to that beautiful interest rate of two and a half percent my first, you know, just in my heart of hearts, I would want that this client to see if the current loan servicer allows for an assumption. It's not a standardized or legal requirement for a mortgage servicer to just allow a full on assumption. Now it can be court-ordered.

Speaker 3:

That's a different scenario. It all depends on how the final divorce decree is written. But I'm very cognizant too in the wording and helping people understand the wording and how that should look. Anyhow, I don't want to get too far in the weeds on that. I'm going back to qualifying keeping the home or refinancing. In qualifying I always back into two different scenarios one, keeping what you have or that existing loan, or running those numbers based on a new loan with that equity buyout to the other spouse. So trying to figure out what that is kind of depends also on current interest rates for what that future payment might look like.

Speaker 1:

Okay, so what does? Can you? For our listeners that might not be familiar with that term, can you explain what a loan assumption is?

Speaker 3:

Sure, a loan assumption is the two parties. Typically you're assuming the remaining balance of a note on a property, a real estate-based mortgage slash note, and what that does? A full assumption releases the liability of the other party and you take on the remaining terms of that loan 100% on your own. Okay.

Speaker 1:

Okay, and my understanding is that it's kind of hard to get approved for it. Number one and I've had a few cases where we talk about an assumption. Everyone assumes that there can be an assumption and then they won't actually even look at the paperwork until they the lender won't look at it until they've got a final divorce decree, when at that point it might be too late to renegotiate, when at that point might be too late to renegotiate, and then you're basically they're not inexpensive either. Can you explain a little bit about the cost involved with an assumption? Is it similar to a refinance or how does that?

Speaker 3:

work. So what's interesting, it's not standardized, so each servicing company will determine based on their guidelines. If they have the assumption option and yes, there are fees they charge fees for it, not just document preparation fees but actual assumption fees which could be related to current interest rate market. Like you're going to pay these additional fees or points to, offset what this might cost the bank or the current loan servicer.

Speaker 1:

Okay, and I've seen yeah, I've seen cases where it's $10,000 and you have to bring it to the table where they're not going to sometimes allow it to be rolled into the new loan. So that can be really problematic In terms of qualifying. Let's say, in our case we've got this client, we know there's going to be child support, we know there's going to be some spousal support, but there's no earned income. What would a person in that situation need to do, or how do you help them figure out what they might qualify for?

Speaker 3:

So there are two things with that. One is timing. It's really important to allow enough time to show that that income has been received. We typically look for a-month period of time or whatever loan program we choose to go for, income for the six-month period of time or whatever loan program we choose to go for, and what we do we take. I like to back into the number too, to make sure, and I say back in what is the proposed payment, what are the other debts, if any, and what should that income look like, to make sure whatever that spousal support or divorce or, I'm sorry, alimony, child support excuse me, coffee has not kicked in yet what that number should look like. But the other piece is knowing that it's going to continue also for more than three years to make sure they qualify long term. So it's not just amount, it's how long it will continue.

Speaker 1:

So it sounds like it'd be really helpful to have you on board or a CDLP on board. We have a lot of people listening in other states that could help with the attorney with trying to determine okay, what is the minimum child support? I mean, child support is based on a formula, but let's say what's the minimum spousal support that we have to have in order for this person. So, again, the more information we have, the better. I think people are sometimes afraid about getting too many experts involved, that it's going to be too expensive, and in many cases, especially when we're talking about the marital home, which is typically the largest asset that a couple has, you're going to save yourself a lot of money and aggravation by having the right team members in place, and so not every mortgage specialist also does a lot of divorce work and, again, this is why having the right specialized team member is so important, jodi. So I want to bring you into this conversation.

Speaker 1:

Let's say we've got our hypothetical case. Client says you know what? Not sure if I can afford it, but it's the most important thing to me. We brought in Leanne. She's talking with Max about what kinds of qualifications are needed in order for the client to qualify for either an assumption or a refi. We haven't even started talking about how a husband's going to get paid out. But let's say the wife comes to you and she says, ok, I definitely want this house. As a realtor who specializes in divorce cases, what does the conversation look like that you have with her?

Speaker 4:

Thank you, jackie. So, in addition to the certifications that you had mentioned, I also did divorce coach training. I did the divorce coach training because I wanted to be able to better communicate with clients, not that I ever wanted to be a divorce coach, but in that training the one thing that I will always remember, that I took away from it is they said that there's four divorces happening at once. It's the legal and the financial, where a lot of people see that, and it's the social and the emotional and a lot of times all of that kind of comes to a head around the house itself. You see the you know that you raised your kids in the house. You want that stability for the house. So the first conversation that I have with my clients is trying to and I know it's very difficult but take a little bit of that emotion out of it and look at it and working with someone like Leanne, because sometimes the people come to me just you know, they just look me up online and they come and then I would refer to someone like Leanne. But from the real estate perspective, the first thing that I do is I always pull the title on the house. I do want to see if there is any liens against the property. I've been in numerous cases where one party may have known that there were federal tax liens against the house and the other party didn't, because you know, spouse A handled everything. So we always want to run a full title search instead of just you know if you're going to assume the house, instead of just quit claiming it, but right up front, run that title search, see who is on record, are there any liens, everything like that, to make sure that we have clear title that you're not going to agree to something in the divorce decree that you. That then ends up being a major issue. Do like to get a current statement from them, because everybody is your current loan on. You know, are you currently paying it on time? Yep, currently paying it on time. Well, sometimes people don't know that maybe the spouse is the other spouse is paying it and maybe they fell behind, maybe they don't handle the finances. So, always wanting to make sure that your current mortgage is actually being paid on time, that it's not, you know, getting ready to go into default or anything along those lines, and then I really like to have the clients look at it as a brand new transaction. Yes, this is your house. Let's say if you have lived in your marital home for 10 years but when you bought that marital home it had a 15-year-old roof and you've never replaced it. Now you have a 25-year-old roof. Let's say the average roof is between $15,000 to $20,000. You know, where does that come into play? Maybe the HVAC system hasn't been so.

Speaker 4:

I always recommend, if you're going to keep the house, have a home inspection. If, for anything that you have, the home and the home inspections depends upon the size of the house, but I would say probably $500 to $700. I would recommend a general home inspection of the house so that you actually know what you're getting. I would recommend having the sewer lines scope, making sure that. I mean there's numerous times that it backs up. Maybe tree roots are in there it's stuff that you typically aren't looking for. Maybe there's mold in the attic. Just know what you're.

Speaker 4:

Try to, as best as you can, take the emotion out of it and try to look at it as a new purchase, as a business transaction, because I think we can all assume that we all have issues in our house that we see every day that we walk by. But now you know the and you'll obviously. You know I'm divorced and I remember the first time I had to pay for something myself it was the air conditioner and it was like, oh okay, this is just on me, it's a new way of thinking. And then I also recommend that, if you are going to keep that, to keep the house, that for that first year that you place a home warranty on the property, because everybody's finances change post-divorce and again, when you have to be the one paying the HVAC company to come out, I would rather pay $125 deductible and get them to repair it versus paying, you know, $500, $600, $700 to replace something.

Speaker 4:

So step one would be title. Step two would be to, you know, look at the overall house itself and seeing if you can afford it. Can you afford to keep the house? And as you said at the beginning, jackie, it's just not Can you afford? You know you're kind of used to the way things are, but can you really afford? You don't think of the lawn care, the snow removal. You know, maybe you currently have that. If not, how does that? You know, how does that look?

Speaker 1:

Right, I want to go back and circle around on two of the things that you said. First of all, I know the red flags are going off in my head all over, because I don't. I hardly ever see this happen in a case, so especially a lot of times couples will just stipulate to the value and they'll agree on it, and then in that situation, there might not even be an appraisal. So how is an appraisal different than an inspection?

Speaker 4:

So I mean the inspection itself is inspecting the home. It's inspecting the functionality of the home. You know what is the age of the roof, is there mold in the attic? Are there issues with the HVAC system? Are the appliances properly working? The appraisal is the value of the home and I strongly recommend either an appraisal or if you you know but you pay for the appraisal, or at the bare minimum a comparative market analysis by a real estate professional. Because I did have a case years ago that the value was just assumed.

Speaker 4:

Spouse A told spouse B this is what the house is worth. She held on to the house for two or three years and then she somehow got connected with me, like two or three years post-divorce, somehow got connected with me. Values decreased and from what she was told, that that house by her, the spouse, that what it was valued at we sold it for, it was like three or 350, 300 to 350,000 below that value, because they just, you know it was like oh, this is what you know. My ex-spouse said Well, I always say, if you're getting divorced, I can pretty much guarantee one thing communication isn't true. So you're probably, regardless of the other issues, you probably don't have real good, strong communication skills and you're trusting someone with a value to say, oh, this is how much it is. You're trusting someone with a value that you're getting divorced from. You have to be your own advocate and it is building that real estate, building that professional team behind you.

Speaker 4:

And I volunteer at the Women's Center of Southeast Michigan in Ann Arbor once a month we do a lecture on divorce and the home and finances and the one thing that I do compare it to is when we go to the surgeon to have surgery. They have a team of people behind them. They have the respiratory therapist, they have the social workers, they have their residents, they have their assistants. That's what it needs to be looked at For divorce. Divorce proceedings also build that team of experts, because everybody has can bring something different to the table. That may be an oversight.

Speaker 1:

Right, okay, so, max, I'm throwing it back to you. So, so what is your? So I know that you're very comfortable using experts. What does?

Speaker 2:

that, yeah, what does it? What should? A? But two, I don't have the ego or arrogance to believe that I'm the master of all. And one, I want my client to have the best information. And two, it also takes it off my shoulders. You know, whether it's a CDLP or CDFA or whatever it is, or a co-parenting counselor, there's things that I'm good at and there's things that I can do efficiently, but not everything.

Speaker 2:

And especially when it comes to the nuances and technicalities of the home and finances, I, in every one of my cases, always make these introductions and I always tell my clients I'm here to give you access to and make introductions to my resources, which are the best in the business. However, I'm not going to force them down your throat. I do think if you're a potential client and you like the idea of either one, a collaborative approach or two, you like the idea of having different professionals when you're talking to an attorney, people to best serve you and then you hire a lawyer who's like I don't deal with any of these people. I'm the lawyer, I do everything. I don't know that that's going to be a good match for a lawyer to staff and manage your case.

Speaker 1:

I think you're absolutely right. I have a list of questions that I give to clients to interview potential lawyer and also to interview a post-divorce financial advisor to help them manage their money, and I'm going to add that to my list of questions for interviewing a lawyer and I'm going to post that on the show notes also. But I do think that you're absolutely right. If you're not working with someone who's willing to collaborate with other professionals, you have to evaluate if that's the right fit for you.

Speaker 2:

A hundred percent and you know, I I always say look my, my job as a lawyer and all of us to a degree is to give people the information and resources to ultimately make the best decision for themselves and their families, and I believe I'm doing that when I'm providing them access to experts and professionals. Like you all and I don't think it's, you know, I'm not a lawyer who, either I need to completely monopolize, whether it's the money, the hours or the control I believe people going through such a trying time and process deserve and should have access to whatever professional, whatever resources and support they may want or need.

Speaker 1:

I have one quick question for Leanne and then I'm going to. I know that, jodi, you've got something that's burning that you want to say, so I'm going to make sure that I come back to you. Leanne, what's the timeframe when somebody should reach out to a CDLP? Because I've had that before too, where I've had clients reach out to maybe a non-specialized mortgage consultant and then they're being pressured Okay, are you ready to apply for the loan If we don't have a settlement yet? It's kind of tricky. What's the ideal timing for someone to reach out to you?

Speaker 3:

The sooner the better. I can't stress that enough. I also wanted to add, in my comment about qualifying, to the importance of having a credit report, knowing if you have a credit score, knowing if, like what Jodi said, are the payments being made on time. Well, like you know, that's a huge factor in addition to the income in qualifying, so the sooner the better. And also what debt is held jointly versus individually, to make sure that's been addressed Right.

Speaker 1:

I think, too, it's also, you know one of the things that I noticed with cases recently I instruct a lot of my clients to go ahead and open up a Credit Karma account immediately. So Credit Karma is a soft pull on your credit. It's an app and it pulls it every day. But a lot of people that are going through divorce are creating a lot of temporary debt so they might have huge credit card debt that's going to be paid off and it's not their typical way that they run their household and the credit rating is so impacted by that quickly, that quickly. So what I've noticed is that clients their credit rating, you know, if they've got more than 30% of their available credit used, it drops their. It could drop their credit score by a hundred points and then, as soon as that's paid off, within a month, it's back up again.

Speaker 1:

So I think again, having that knowledge about your credit is so important and knowing you know what, if any, maybe it might make sense to wait a little while until your credit does bounce back and have that built into the settlement agreement that you have the time to refinance that it's not within. I see all the time clients come to me and it's their judgment says, of course they've not worked with max, but their judgment says you have to refinance within 60 days. And then you know, you find out well, wait a minute, I'm only going to have had child support running for 30 days. You know, at that point how am I going to actually qualify?

Speaker 2:

I do a lot of this one because I think it's the right thing to do, but two from a liability standpoint. And I think I never want a client signing a judgment and then being like what did I agree to, and this totally isn't going to work. So I do it both from a selfless and selfish point of view. But yeah, I. I think a lot of lawyers unfortunately um have one box, one square. They put people through the assembly line, they spit them out on the other side, and I believe my job and our jobs are to, if we can make it a more customized and individualized process that serves someone in particular, their interests we should do everything we can to do so.

Speaker 1:

Right, all right, jodi, what was burning in your mind I was going to say so.

Speaker 4:

This was a real life scenario. It was the in-house spouse was supposed to it was either like six months or a year refinance or sell the property. Some issues happened, some health issues, it was around COVID time and stuff. So some issues happened and they came to me. It was like three, three and a half years later, never was able to qualify and now there was a court order to sell the house because the out-of-house spouse wanted off of the loan and to move on. Well, this, so obviously they did not follow the divorce decree, you know, of six months to a year, whatever, whatever it was. So now fast forward, the way that the divorce decree and this is this is back to why bringing in experts early, the way that it was written was that upon so the in-house spouse was either refinancing or receiving all the equity from the property. It was either or. And so now you know, three, three and a half years later, we're not following this.

Speaker 4:

I look at the judgment and it says upon a signed purchase agreement, Upon a signed purchase agreement, the out-of-house spouse was to be quitclaimed off. And I said to both parties I talked to them both separate, because by this point. I figured you haven't followed the divorce decree anyhow, so it's not. I didn't feel like I was like really overstepping anything. Maybe I was, I don't know, but I said to the in-house spouse I explained the situation. Be I was, I don't know, but I said to the in-house spouse I explained the situation If I quit claim off upon a signed purchase agreement, I'm not guaranteeing that it's closing. So I could leave the out-of-house spouse with a debt, the mortgage, with no asset attached to it. And so then they agreed. The in-house spouse agreed that you know, let's come up with something creative. And so then I went to the out-of-house spouse and I said I'm doing this for your protection.

Speaker 4:

I know you want to be quit claimed off as fast as you can, but a signed purchase agreement that doesn't matter. We haven't made it through inspections, we haven't made it through appraisal, we haven't even made it to clear to close, as Leanne can attest, people lose jobs, people fall ill. Something can happen within that 30 days that they can no longer qualify. So I think it's very important to even look at things like that. And what's the trans understanding the transaction of? You know the life of the transaction? It's not quit claiming off at the very beginning. So we worked with the in-house and out-of-house spouse, we worked with the title company and we came up with creative to quit claim at the very end. And you know it's just, it's looking at these different scenarios that that happen. And you know, because I know I knew at that point what was best. Now, if this was a, you know, new case, three months out I would go back to the attorneys and you know, hopefully I would be have been brought in earlier than that.

Speaker 1:

But just really, understanding the language the life, of the transaction, of what happens. It's not as simple as quit claiming something off at the very beginning, because I I'm also, then you're stuck on the mortgage, right, so you can end up with where you're. If you're like I love how you say the in-house spouse and the out-of-house spouse yeah, I like that. Um, the out-of-house spouse could be really stuck with being have, like you said.

Speaker 4:

Now they're on the hook for a mortgage, but they don't have an asset, they don't have an asset attached to it and it's just kind of really taking a step back and looking at the whole picture. Just not, oh, that's easy, we'll just quit claiming them off at the very beginning with the signed purchase agreement. But you know, fortunately both clients, both of the individuals listened to the advice and, like I said at that time I figured it's been three, three and a half years you weren't following your judgment. So I'll make this recommendation.

Speaker 1:

Well, we've covered so many things. I know that we could have a part two and talk about I mean, I'm thinking in my head about capital gains taxes potentially and, you know, showing somebody what they can afford and whether or not they want to. I will say that one of my favorite things to do is for someone who's unsure is to kind of kick the can down the road a little bit and say, okay, what if you stay in the house for a year and then in a year you buy out the other person after you've got a year under your belt of paying the bill, seeing what it's like. Because one thing we haven't talked about is that the in-spouse party who keeps the house, if they're forced to sell it now, they're going to pay all the tax. If there are any taxes, they're going to pay it all.

Speaker 1:

A lot of people have highly appreciated homes and closing costs and commission. Now that's all on one side instead of being split between the parties. I so appreciate having the three of you on today. This was so much fun and I think that we I think we made a really good argument for why people need to have a team of professionals in their own lane, all working together for the benefit of the client. So anyhow.

Speaker 2:

Thank you, Jackie.

Speaker 4:

Thank you. Jackie, thank you all, everybody had a great day, thank you.

Speaker 1:

Thank you so much for taking time out of your day to listen to Divorce Rich Podcast. If you like this podcast, please follow us on Apple or anywhere that you download podcasts and share this link with any friends or family that you think might benefit from this information.

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