Switch Days Without Stress: Expert Tips From Forest Levy-Wolfe

Jacki and her guest, parenting coach Forrest Levy Wolfe explore how to reduce chaos during two-home transitions with simple rituals, validating language, and clear, respectful limits. 
We cover: 
• why kids struggle most with uncertainty and loss of control
• a transition ritual of plan, food, and rest
• the A and A Protocol to acknowledge and affirm feelings
• replacing threats with “as soon as” clear limits
• staying in your lane when co-parents differ
• moving belongings with checklists and routines
• self-regulation for parents so kids can co-regulate
• reframing divorce as a resilience advantage

• To Connect with Forest Levy Wolfe; 
  • https://www.teachingcircle.org/
  • https://www.facebook.com/forest.l.wolfe/@teachingcircle_
  • TEACHING CIRCLE
  • 248.990.5555

Visit us at https://www.roesslerdivorce.com/ to learn more about Jacki's practice and to find valuable resources for your case.

The Divorce Rich podcast is proudly sponsored by Center for Financial Planning: Striving to Improve Lives through Financial Planning Done Right! https://www.centerfinplan.com/

Chapters

• 0:00 Welcome & Sponsor Message
• 2:44 Meet Parenting Coach Forrest Levy Wolf
• 4:14 Two Homes, One Child’s Biggest Struggle
• 8:10 The Transition Ritual: Plan, Food, Rest
• 12:27 The A Protocol: Acknowledge And Affirm
• 18:52 Ending Power Struggles With Clear Limits
• 24:35 When Co-Parents Do Things Differently
• 30:20 Stuff Between Homes And Checklists
• 34:10 Regulating Yourself To Support Kids

Transcript

SPEAKER_04: 0:08

Welcome to the Divorce Rich Podcast. I'm your host, Jackie Ressler. I've been a certified divorce financial analyst for 28 years, helping clients and their attorneys navigate the often complex and confusing financial issues in divorce. If you're in the process of or considering divorce, now is the time for you to take a deep breath and give yourself permission to find clarity on the financial issues you're facing. Rich means many things to many people. I believe the best definition of being rich is someone who has access to many resources. Along with my guests on this podcast, I will be bringing you a wide variety of information so that you can make sound and informed financial decisions for your financial future. Hey, if you're recently divorced or still in the middle of it, you already know that life can feel like it's been turned upside down. And let's be honest, the financial part, it's overwhelming, confusing, and often the last thing you want to deal with. That's why I want to tell you about the independent wealth management team at Center for Financial Planning. Their team of certified financial planners specializes in helping people just like you navigate life changes with confidence. Whether it's assessing your new financial circumstances, creating or updating your retirement plan, or helping you adjust to the new normal. They'll work with you to get a clear, customized plan to feel in control and move forward with confidence. So if you're interested in working with a financial planner who you can trust to have your best interests in mind and you're ready to take the next step, visit centerfinplan.com. That's centerfinplan.com and schedule a conversation. Center for Financial Planning, live your plan.

SPEAKER_00: 2:10

Disclosure. Securities offered through Raymond James Financial Services, Inc., member FENBRE, SIPC. Investment Advisory Services offered through Center for Financial Planning, Inc. Center for Financial Planning Inc. is not a registered broker dealer and is independent of Raymond James Financial Services. Center for Financial Planning was a sponsor of the Divorce Rich Podcast. The Center for Financial Planning and Raymond James are not affiliated with or endorsed by the Divorce Rich Podcast.

SPEAKER_04: 2:44

Hi everyone, and welcome back to the Divorce Rich Podcast. Today I'm welcoming Forrest Levy Wolf, a parenting coach who specializes in helping divorced and co-parenting families find calm, connection, and confidence at home. She teaches parents how to get their kids to listen. Imagine that. Without the yelling, guilt, or power struggles, even when they're living between two homes. Forrest believes that divorce doesn't have to be the end of a healthy family. It can actually just be a reset. When parents learn how to communicate with empathy and consistency, kids can thrive, not in spite of two homes, but because of the security they feel in them. So today she's going to share some practical tools and stories that will help you feel more confident as a parent, no matter what your co-parent does. And I will say I am so excited to have Forrest on the show today because I have been watching her social media posts for a long time. And whenever I see them, I wish that I had known about her when I had younger children because the advice that she gives is so thoughtful and thought-provoking and just so comforting. I don't know how else to say it, but I know that our listeners are really gonna enjoy hearing what you have to say. So welcome, Forrest. Thank you.

SPEAKER_02: 4:04

I love you for saying that. That means a lot.

SPEAKER_04: 4:07

Can you give me just a brief little bit about your background and what inspired you to get into this field?

SPEAKER_02: 4:14

Yes, my background is in education. I have a degree from the University of Texas in applied human learning and development. And so, you know, figuring out how people think and what motivates them to do things is just I it's my love. It's so fun to get to do what we love. I know we all think that a lot. So with my education degree, I didn't do the typical classroom teaching thing. I did more administrative things like running camps, running after school programs, preschools. And so what happened was I found myself as an administrator doing a lot of behavior management.

SPEAKER_01: 5:08

Okay.

SPEAKER_02: 5:09

Yeah. And so, you know, love and logic was something I fell in love with, you know, over 20 years ago when I was at UT, and we brought it into the after school program because we had a lot of college students who didn't have, you know, knowledge and how to get the kids to listen to them. And so by introducing that, we were able to like get things going. I am an independent facilitator for them. I love it. I use it with my kids.

SPEAKER_04: 5:38

So it's more than a book, it's an actual pro.

SPEAKER_02: 5:40

So I read the book with my Bible for Netflix. Yeah. Oh, there's it is such good stuff. Yeah, it is a program. So I go to schools, I go to community centers, country clubs, and teach, you know, love and logic. It's an actual program. I know that.

SPEAKER_04: 6:01

We'll have to link that in the show notes.

SPEAKER_02: 6:03

Yeah. Oh, thanks. Yes. So in that, I really learned the value of if the people around you know how to get your kids in their classroom, in their camp group to listen. There's, you know, everyone's more cohesive. There's a more respectful environment. And most importantly, all the good stuff gets to happen. And so three years ago, I had a parent come up to me and say, Hey, can you help me? And my kids, you know, messing around a lot. And he's just so difficult. And I mean, it just sort of like, I love him, but I don't really like him. And and I, and I thought, oh my God, yeah, that's exactly what I can do. So I actually work with families. I have my own online class. And so now this is just one of my best and biggest missions is to help families have better relationships. That's amazing.

SPEAKER_04: 7:02

Yeah. That's awesome. So I know we're going to focus primarily on, and most of my listeners are people around the country that are dealing with divorce. And when we start splitting the kids up into two different homes, that is often, you know, that is whatever parenting problems you had together as a couple, sometimes they become magnified when you're in two homes. So what do you think is the hardest part for kids when they start living in two different homes?

SPEAKER_02: 7:35

I think it's what is always the biggest struggle for all of us if you get down to it. No control, no say over their life, no, you know, understanding of what's coming. And I think it's the same thing that's, you know, scares our parents who get divorced here. We're worried about our kids. We, you know, everyone's just doing something new. Anytime there's something new, there's a transition. It's scary.

SPEAKER_04: 8:06

Absolutely. And I think you bring up a good point about the fact that it's unknown and kids don't know what to expect. Are there ways that you can recommend to parents that they can help make those transitions between the home less stressful for the kids, for each parent?

SPEAKER_02: 8:27

Absolutely. You know, I think what will happen is sometimes parents will even once, you know, it's happening, they're like, oh my gosh, this kid is throwing a tantrum every time they come back. Oh my goodness, they're coming home. There's going to be meltdowns. I I don't even, you know, you almost, it's people talk about the Sunday scaries. Well, maybe that day before your transition is a little scary because you're not sure. I mean, there's even the kids that just get quiet and they seem to withdraw. And, you know, you have this great connection with your kid, and then they go to the other house and they come back, and it feels like, you know, such a reset. And we both know resets are a good thing, but that transition can feel pretty hard for people and for kids too. So I think it's just acknowledging one, what is going on. Something is changing, right? We're going into a new day with a new family. And so when your child comes back, give them every single thing you can. In my parenting classes, I talk about three steps. And the number one step is get out of your way. Okay. That means when your kid comes home and they're acting anxious or they're quiet or however it is that your kid behaves, ask them, do you know what the plan is? Because there is just something so soothing for all of us to know. All right, this is what we're doing. This is what we have to look forward to. When am I going to get the special time to do the things that I like? You know, for for adults too, but you know, I'm talking about for your kids. So if you know your kid really looks forward to snuggling on the couch with you or having a friend over, let them know this is when it's coming. Okay. Yeah. And then the other things that I really emphasize here with getting out of your way is are they tired or are they hungry? You don't know, you know, if at 12, did they have lunch? Did they not have lunch? So get out of your way. Are they hungry? Are they tired? Because a lot of times, you know, we've been so excited to have our kids back and we want to like start the circus, right? We're ready to give them up at five. But what if they were up really late the night before? Or they're tired and they need downtime. So I think that first, you know, part of getting back together is just about figuring out where everyone is and does everyone know what the plan is.

SPEAKER_04: 11:07

Okay. And is that do you recommend that that's best done with the kids or with the co-parent?

SPEAKER_02: 11:14

I don't know how everyone else's co-parent is out there, but I think it can be with.

SPEAKER_01: 11:23

And it can definitely be done without. These are such great tips.

SPEAKER_04: 11:30

These are things that, you know, we would even think about coming home from a vacation when everyone, you know, everyone is off and it takes everyone a while to get back to normal. These repetitive transitions back and forth between the two homes to have that stabilizing piece of we sit down, we talk about are you hungry? Are you tired? And you know, the plan. I love that idea of setting up that kind of a ritual almost that is done. And then they they know that they can look forward to that.

SPEAKER_02: 11:59

They can. And it'll it's so it's such a good tool because they'll start to come to you and say, What's the plan? You know, they'll they'll take it into their school. What's going on? You know, we just we want, yeah, we want to teach our kids to be able to have a little control in a healthy way.

SPEAKER_04: 12:20

Well, now I have to know what number two and three are.

SPEAKER_02: 12:23

Oh, yeah. All right. So number two is really fun. It's called the A protocol, and it means acknowledge and affirm. Okay. So if your kid comes back, for instance, we're gonna stick with this transition idea.

SPEAKER_03: 12:40

If your kid comes back and they're, you know, oh, I hate coming back to your house. It's so many rules around here.

SPEAKER_02: 12:50

You know, you can just say, oh man, you know, acknowledge them, right? It sounds like you're really bummed that you have so many rules to come back to. I hate rules all the time. That can be so frustrating. That's not our normal response, so no, you're right.

SPEAKER_03: 13:07

It's expensive, right? Oh, exactly. Have you seen your playroom and all the amazing toys? And I got you a new Xbox, and I've been sitting here filling the fridge and all these things, and you're so lucky. Like, how can no?

SPEAKER_02: 13:23

I know that's what we want to say, but we don't because the thing is sometimes we don't actually know what kids are communicating. That child who just said this is clearly communicating that they're upset. But we're not a hundred percent sure what it is that they're upset about. They could just be upset because they're feeling, you know, the weird feeling of switching back and forth, of possible, you know, rejection or unknown or whatever it is. Well, they're not gonna tell us that if we start telling them you don't feel the way you're saying you feel. And I really think that is, you know, key when you're getting your kids to want to listen to you, is that you're listening to them, right? I mean, this this is the big thing. So a kid who doesn't feel listened to keeps screaming, talks louder, acts worse. And so if a parent can say to them, oh, I hear you, I'm on your side, this seems hard. They're gonna calm down. You know, you acknowledge and affirm them, and then things really change. And when you're switching back and forth to houses, you know, as adults, we need our friends to be like, yeah, it's really hard that you're co-parenting with that person, or it's really hard that you don't see your kids for half the time, or you know, whatever it is. We need that validation. Right funny when parent with when parents who haven't been divorced will say to parents who have been divorced, oh yeah, you're so lucky, you have all that free time. I'm thinking you you you stay on the, you know, the grass is always greener, right? But like that's not how parents know better. That's not helpful. Right. No. And so when someone says that kind of stuff to you, you're just like, shut down. This isn't my person, they don't understand me. You know, or maybe you start to say, Oh, I don't think you really get it. Like, I worry about my kid all the time, and I have to do all these different things because I do live, you know. You the my point is when someone doesn't hear you, when someone doesn't see you or understand you, you get louder, you argue more. And so acknowledging and affirming someone is so big.

SPEAKER_04: 15:43

That's gotta be so hard for, especially, I mean, taking myself out of this, I I can relate to what you're saying as a parent for sure. But and I didn't have a very contentious divorce when I got divorced, but I work with a lot of people that are have a very contentious divorce. So the idea of, you know, your kid coming home and expressing that they aren't happy coming back to you, I think that in this initial stage too, of we just got divorced or we're just separating, I think that it would be very hard to take a deep breath and say, wait a minute, I agree with you. This is hard. I think that defensive mechanism would be more natural.

SPEAKER_02: 16:21

I agree, I totally believe what you're saying is the exact thing that these people are dealing with. And so, you know, we always say, like, our kids aren't there to parent us. We have to be the person, the bigger person, the adult. And so that means we have to get out of our way, which means we have to take care of ourselves. We need to be fed. We need to, you know, have had our things done so that we can come back and hold our children wherever they are. Right. So what's the second part of the A protocol? Okay, so it is acknowledge is a affirm is the second part.

SPEAKER_04: 17:01

Acknowledge affirm.

SPEAKER_02: 17:02

Okay, acknowledge and affirm. So that's where I would say, you know, Jackie, I you know, I I can tell you're upset. And it is okay to be upset, affirm. It is okay to be upset. When my when I was going through a divorce with my with my parents, I was sad. I was bothered. So this has got to be hard for you. Affirm. Like, how good would you feel if someone said that to you versus, no, are you crazy? Look at all the funny things you have around the house academy. Right, exactly.

SPEAKER_04: 17:33

No, I love I love that. That's really that's really brilliant. And just think of, like you said, when someone acknowledges what you're feeling and affirms that it's okay that you feel that way, the arguments they just dissipate. Because what can you say to that other than yeah, you really get how I feel? Instead of like those defenses like you keep escalating. So I love that. Okay, what's three?

SPEAKER_02: 17:59

This a little drum roll for you. This is what everybody actually wants. They don't want the power struggle. They want their kids to listen. How do I, you know, talk to my kids about listening? People come to me, this is all they want. Do I do I stick them in a corner? Do I, you know, I mean, that thank God is less and less. Do I put them in their room? Do I take all their things away? Like people want to give some consequences, right? Because that's what we are raised in. I mean, whether you're a Gen X or millennial, wherever you are, you probably had, you know, more of those consequences that honestly don't make any sense as far as like being appropriate for what was happening. So when I work with my clients, you know, I just say, hold on, hold on. We're gonna do everything else before we get into consequences. But this is what people want. If they're not listening to me, how do I make them listen? Right. Well, they're not gonna, I just have to back up a little. They will not listen to you if they're tired, if they're hungry, if they're worried about something else. They will not listen to you if they don't think you're listening to them, if you have not acknowledged and affirmed what they said. And then finally, all right, you can state your parenting position for the win. That is the first step. So, of course, we want more, right? So I'm gonna give you an example. I am happy to get you your screen time as soon as all your chores are done. So people want to say, oh, if, you know, if you don't get your chores done, you're not getting any screen time. Like, or let's connect it back to this transition. You know what? You've been gone and you have all these things that you didn't do before you left. And now I'm telling you, if you don't get this done, you're not getting your screen time. You're asking for a fight. You're asking for a fight with someone who may need it, you know, maybe. Well, that's the truth. You know, if you're the safe parent, you get it. Yeah. They have to hold it together at the other parent's house. Yeah, I wouldn't invite them to, you know, just to let it all out on you that very first, you know, moment of transition. But if you offer them something like, hey, if you don't get this done, you know, kids, they don't have a lot to lose. Like, what do they care? They're gonna, you're gonna get, I mean, really, they can get you upset, right? Like your kids are grown, you know this better than anyone. They'll they'll go for that. They don't mind losing a little something to win, to have the power.

SPEAKER_04: 20:46

That's true. So, what's the alternative? The alternative is to is to focus on that you want to give them what they want as long as they do the things that need to be done first rather than yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 20:57

It's just all of this, you know. My parenting class is called respectful and authentic parenting because I really believe you have to sound like yourself, you have to be yourself, and you have to do it respectfully. If you want a respectful relationship with your kid, you say it respectfully. So I don't say to my son, you better get all this stuff cleaned up or you're not getting anything you want. Well, mostly when I'm being my my best self, at least, you know, 80% of the time. You know, I say to him, hey, you know, I can tell you're excited to get on your screen. You're welcome to get on it as soon as the dishes are unloaded. So do you see the there's no power struggle. Like, this isn't even about me. This is like, oh, you want this, so this is what you do before. It's very proactive too. It it's it works. I mean, I love it when people have gone through this whole thing with me, and by the end, they're like, well, we don't even have to do consequences anymore. Because all the consequences we're ever doing, you know, were be were just ridiculous. I mean, now that my son's 14, if he has issues with grades or something, he locks himself in. You know, he was just telling me with his midterms, oh, I don't like this. And I'm, you know, I think some parents would say, that's it, you're losing your iPad. You know what he said? He said to me, Mom, I'm gonna make sure I have everything done before I even get on a screen. And I was like, wow.

SPEAKER_04: 22:30

Yeah, it was like training.

SPEAKER_02: 22:35

It's about respect. It's about letting our kids, you know, be who they are. And yes, it's about teaching them to take care of themselves. Okay, for us. So here's a big question.

SPEAKER_04: 22:47

Okay. So you do everything perfect. No, I quote unquote perfect in your house. Okay. Or you you you're the your one parent. You feel like the other par at the other parent's house, things are going in a tremendously different way. What can you do if you feel like the other parent is is being overly strict or you don't agree with some of the parenting decisions that are being made? How can you still help your kids in spite of that?

SPEAKER_02: 23:20

Oh God, can I tell you really the first thing that comes to my mind? Yeah. It's it's none of my business. It's not my business. What is going on? We said we're getting divorced, right? We are resetting. I already know the problems that were gonna be in that house because I didn't want them in mine.

SPEAKER_04: 23:40

Right.

SPEAKER_02: 23:41

So I didn't move out and, you know, expect that those things were gonna get solved. I wanted to create a safe place, a place where I felt like there was respect and authenticity, was honored. And that's what I focus on. So what's going on over there is none of my business. Now, of course, it's different if there's, you know, you know, abuse, you have to handle that, you know, in a different kind of way. But I'd like to give a couple lines for parents because I know that this is gonna come up, right? So if your kid says, well, at mom's house, we don't have to do it like that. We don't have to put the dishes away. You know, whatever it is, you can say, uh, are you ready? It sounds like it's different in our in that, you know, in that house. Man, it's hard when things are different. Yeah, we do it different in our house. Okay, so some of this we have to be careful because our kids, you, you know, the smart ones manipulate. And I don't think anyone's listening to your podcast probably who isn't smart because they're trying to gain knowledge and get better. It's true. Like, you don't hear, I mean, I don't want to, you know, judge anyone, but like people who are listening to this are really looking for these lines or these ways to switch. I love the title, you know. And so I just think that like we have to remember our kids can be a little manipulative. And if that is how it is at the other house, don't they want to break?

SPEAKER_03: 25:19

Like, do you keep going, right? So like break from no rules, a break from a break from what you're saying.

SPEAKER_02: 25:26

Like if this other co-parent is being ridiculous, being an angry, controlling person, saying nasty things about you, right? Acknowledge and affirm it. That's hard. It that's you know, babe, that is that's the southern mom and me. Babe, that that's hard to hear, you know, but you don't want to stay there too long. Right. Um, you know, and I've even with you know, my own child, sometimes they they just need to get stuff off their chest and they can, but I I don't I'm not into being against someone else. So I truly believe like if I love my child, I love the people who love him. I know there are certain people who believe you have to hate someone to show love. And I just think that your listeners and parents have to keep in mind that that's not the top-tier love, right? Love will of course, yeah. So to hate your co-parent, to focus on all the bad things that they do, to not give your kid a break from that, it's easier said than done. Believe me, I've been divorced for 10 years. I could, you know, go on all day, and sometimes I have to. But if you're asking me best practices, let them have a separate space. Stay in your own lane. You know, if you have a relationship with that parent, you could say, Hey, did you know? You know, say something. There have been times when there are things I have found inexcusable, and then I'll point it out. But that is very few and far between.

SPEAKER_04: 27:07

Right. It makes a lot of sense. I remember this is a funny story. I've been divorced for over 10 years, too. And my ex-husband and I have a really good, we're I'm very lucky. He is the best dad. So I have we have a really great co-parenting relationship, and I don't know what I would do without him, honestly. But I remember when my kids were younger, my daughter said to me one time that when I was dating, that she thought that I wanted to, I should date my, you know, her dad. And I said, Well, you know, that is so cute. Well, she's like, it seems like you like dad because you're always saying such great things about him. I'm like, well, I do like dad, but yeah, we're better as co-parents this way than as, you know, a married couple. But I um I kind of felt like that was like a little mini win for us that, you know, my daughter thought that we get along so well that, you know, why aren't why don't I just date him? I grew up in a house where my parents were divorced and they hated each other. And it was so awful. So that's, you know, my goal was the opposite.

SPEAKER_02: 28:10

I I am so happy for you. I wish we could like show off the little clappy hands because, you know, that is ideal that our kids just get to like live in their two houses with peace and calm. And, you know, it takes two, right? It takes you, it takes your ex-husband. Some of us don't have that partnership and you can't, you know, make someone do it or not do it. But whether you're living, I think, in a house that, you know, has co-parents that are just perfect, as we like to say, or parents who, you know, there's a little bit more friction, your kids coming to you to say, is it okay? Like, can I love my parent? Am I okay even if things are bad over there? Or if things are expressed to me that are bad here? Like you're the kids are always like, you know, it's like if they scratch their knee before they cry, right? When they're little, they look at you. They look at you and you're like, oh my God, is this okay? And I think Mel Robbins used this recently, and I just love it. And they're looking at you to say, Are am I okay? And you're to say to them, you're okay. Right. So whether you get along with the parent, whether you're not, you're your kids need you to say it's okay. Your kids need to say that it's okay to transition, that it's okay to feel tired or upset when you transition. You know, they're just looking really for you to help them regulate their emotions until they can do it on their own.

SPEAKER_04: 29:52

I think that absolutely. I think that one of the things that I hear from my own kids, I've heard it from my friends' kids. kids is that it's difficult to to when you go back and forth frequently it's difficult to keep track of your things. So it's difficult to keep track of you know there when you're like my daughter, there was makeup and then you know she got into different hobbies and all of those hobbies had to come with her back and forth. And do you normally recommend that parents keep two of things at each house or how do you how do you recommend that they manage those kinds of keeping track of things transition?

SPEAKER_02: 30:33

Well if we start talking about executive function, I will lose my mind. It's like my favorite thing. And so ideally they can take their stuff back and forth. There can be a little checklist you can put it in their bag and pay on their phone you know it's depending on age appropriateness. And then there are parents who won't let the other kid bring stuff back to their home. And you know that that's hard, right? That's hard for the kid because it's their stuff. And you know then you just say listen it'll be right here. You're you're welcome to take it. If you're gonna have a problem because you take it'll be right here for you. Right.

SPEAKER_04: 31:15

So it's just I think what I hear you saying a lot of is responding to them in a calm way. And you know no matter what comes up reassuring them that they're okay when they're with you.

SPEAKER_02: 31:25

And I think, you know, we're talking about transitioning from one house to the next and you know the reality is people who are in a really pleasant co-parenting situation are probably not looking for a whole lot of tips because it's easy for them to transition back and forth. But the people who I think are listening for some advice is because it's not working. Right. And all I can offer is what can you do to get out of your way to make it work. People who believe they need to hate someone to show love, they're those, you know, they're those people who can't regulate their emotions right they're like still stuck. And so I just would ask all parents to try to get into a place where you can regulate your emotions so that you can help your children because that's what the fear is right I'm worried my kids gonna feel bad. Well you get a lot of say and especially if you decided to create a home I bet, you know, to be able to do those things better.

SPEAKER_04: 32:36

Right. I love I love this advice and it's really about focusing on the child. So how would I feel if I couldn't take my things with me when I went somewhere and they had to stay in one spot I would feel bad about that like if I couldn't have my favorite book. Some things are bigger that parents won't let kids take back and forth. And those you know how does that make your kid feel I think is more important than my ex isn't going to get access to this thing that I paid for and but when people are really angry with each other it's difficult to do that.

SPEAKER_02: 33:11

It really is right when someone's angry they're in fear and you know they're just they're not doing their best parenting so I have days where I have to call my friends, my family, you know, and say, oh my gosh, I hate all of this and then they're like you just remember you don't have a choice your job is to be the best parent to your son and so handle it right so we have to get out of our way we've got to exercise we got to eat the food that's gonna make us feel good. We've got to make time with friends who lift us you know do all these things that you can do to be your best self so that yeah when you're with your kid you can receive them and give them the best because I know that's what everyone's real goal of okay so we're gonna end on a positive note you are such an amazing resource.

SPEAKER_04: 34:08

So if you could tell every divorced parent one thing about their child's future and have them really believe it, what would it be?

SPEAKER_02: 34:22

Resilience because your child has had this situation it's it is there are the downsides right but the happy side is your kids have been afforded an opportunity to learn and to grow with two different people and this is going to make it so much easier for them when they're older and they need to get along with different people and they need to remember their things and they need to you see where I'm going. Yeah kids are learning resilience and you have all the opportunity to help build on that with them.

SPEAKER_04: 35:05

I love that I just I do say that like I just felt a weight off my own shoulders like wow like yeah it is a gift to give to them that they learn to operate in two different environments with two different personalities instead of looking at it as a disability but as kind of flipping that around it's true.

SPEAKER_02: 35:25

And Jackie I do want to tell you that first family I told you about that I worked with and she was like I don't like my kid you know what she says now I really like my kid. We can help them be resilient and you know really do the most important thing I think for all of us is to be good parents. And how can people find you? So they're welcome to go onto my website it is teachingcircle.org and then I have an email address on there and a phone number so that's very easy I'm also on Instagram for teaching circle and Facebook if you want to be friends with me and Jackie check out that too. And then do you can you work with people that are in a different state absolutely I just finished working with someone in Boston and you know sometimes even local people prefer you know a little bit of a virtual but yeah I can definitely work with anyone anywhere.

SPEAKER_04: 36:34

Okay awesome thank you so much for us and I have to have you on again for another topic because this was so much fun. I love it thanks Jackie thank you and all of your contact information will be in our show notes for anybody listening. Okay appreciate it we all agree divorce is emotional but your financial decisions shouldn't be I'm Jackie Restler, certified divorce financial analyst on this podcast I help you make smart informed choices about money during divorce so you can move forward with clarity and confidence. Not sure where to start? Let's talk schedule a free 30 minute consultation with me to see if divorce financial planning is the right fit for you. At the end of this episode you can check out my show notes there's a link for you to sign up for a free 30-minute consultation because financial peace of mind is possible thank you so much for taking time out of your day to listen to Divorce Rich Podcast. If you like this podcast please follow us on Apple or anywhere that you download podcasts and share this link with any friends or family that you think might benefit from this information